Crotch Cricket Control

Do you or a loved one have crotch crickets? Are you or a loved one embarrassed to pull down your tighty-whities in front of company because of a massively intense infestation of crotch cooties? If so, and if you are desperate to get rid of those little buggers, call Crotch Cricket Control! We will send one of our highly skilled testicle technicians straight to your home. Our technicians are heavily and dangerously equipped with sprays, salves, sauces, semi-solids, solvents, spackles, foams, oils, creams, cleansers, poisons, powders, pungent potions, holy water, gases, goops, lubricants, juices, elixirs, and HPCTs (High Performance Cootie Traps). Throw away that stinky old fly tape you've been hanging on your tool. We use only the finest Concentrated Cootie Cum to lure the prey into our Tantalizing Teste Traps. Say goodbye to cock-critters forever and call now! 1-800-SAC-BUGS