Dr. Phil Me Up!

Dr. Fill me up with a bunch of stinky horseshit!!!! Oh Dr. Phil! Please help me! I just can't quite figure out what the right thing to do is! Dr. Phil is a dipshit and an asshole. Just the sound of his voice makes me wanna puke on my Nikes. I hear people say, "Oh, that Dr. Phil saved my marriage", or "Dr. Phil is so smart!" Fuck No! Dr. Phil can lick on my ballsac. That fucker isn't smart. He just tells people the obvious. Like, if there is a huge bitch on there, he's like, "You have got...to...stop...eating!" No Shit?! "Holy shit Dr. Phil, you are so fucking smart, I almost shit my pants". Or if there is a cocaine addict on there, he says, "You have to stop doing drugs! Did someone push your head down and make you snort that cocaine?" "Umm... apparently Dr. Phil has never tried, or heard of cocaine because he would probably be familiar with the fact that it's really hard to say no once you've taken a sniff. I would love to go on that show with all my problems. "So Dr. Phil, how do I get rid of Goof-around-itis? Or how about a real bad case of the Silly-Willies?" He'd probably prescribe me a butt-plug and say, "Well, it always helped me when I had rough times". I think I'm gonna find Dr. Phil's phone number and leave a bunch of dirty messages on his machine, just to piss him off. Maybe I can make him feel bad and he'll stop doing that shitty show of his and give up on being a doctor. You're not smart Dr. Phil.......you're a fuck-stain.