Timber Lodge

Timber Lodge has to be one of my favorite places to eat. Not just because of the succulent steaks they feature, but because they are extremely clever in their naming of certain dishes. For instance, you can order "Mosquito Bites" and "Timber Creek Fillet Medallions". But, every time I visit their exquisite establishment, I order the "Toomba Woomba Pasta". Not only because it rules and makes my taste buds do fuckin backflips, but because that's an awesome name for a dish. I would be willing to risk my satisfaction for the night by ordering a dish that has an awesome name, even though it may taste like squirrel turds.

Drinking Casually

When I hear someone say, "When I drink, it's usually just casually." I say, "Yeah, me too." I say this because it is true. Most of the time, I drink casually- ya know, while wearing a T-shirt and jeans. It is very unlikely that I will be wearing a suit while getting bombed, unless I am at a wedding or a really high-class party. And for everyone who knows me, I don't usually attend those types of gatherings, given my shabby appearance and low status on the social ladder. What would be the opposite of drinking casually? Drinking formally? Fuck that! I only have like one suit. I'd be overdressed. Wouldn't it be funny though? Every time you see me drinking, I'm in a suit and tie with a Hamm's in my hand.

"The Girls" Suck

I hate when ladies call their boobs "the girls". I've always been a fan of fun-bags and sweater-puppets. Who ever came up with calling them girls? They don't even have personalities. And if they did, the little ones would be shy and wouldn't want to come out very often. The big ones would be very outgoing and love to be noticed and would constantly seek attention and seek to be slapped about the chest, like the whorish bastards they are. So, whip out the chesticles and the ape-hangers, and leave the girls at home!

Black and White

Whenever I see a black and white movie or TV show, it makes me think that everything was colorless back in the day. But, the truth is, there were colorful things everywhere, just like nowadays, apparently. Wouldn't it be weird though, if things weren't in color back in the day? "What color was your house on the farm, step-grampy?" "I don't know, red-headed stepchild. I guess it could have been any color. Colors weren't invented until the late 60s." "Holy shit, step-grampy! I'm so glad my fore-fathers invented orange and blue, and for that matter, beige, whatever the fuck that is." I think its 15 percent red, 30 percent blue, and 55 percent gay.

LOL

I usually see the acronym "LOL", and I think, "Was this person seriously loling at this point in their ramblings? Or are they lying completely? LOL pisses me off! Most of the time, there was no reason they should have been loling to begin with. Or, is it spelled lolling? Fuck! I lol when I see a guy spill acid down his shirt, or when a pack of panting puppies pulls the pants off of a pair of porking piglets. THAT's when real lolling is necessary! Or is it spelled lol-ing? I'm not sure. But the thing to remember is to never write lol unless the thing you just wrote is fuckin' hilarious. LOL. :0)>

Cody's House of Butter

It's Cody's House of Butter! Have all the butter you can handle! Drink it! Rub it on your ass! Inject it straight into your cerebellum! Don't be shy! Come by Cody's House of Butter and get your fill of saturated fun! It's concentrated nuttiness! Throw your hands up bitches!