Control. Adulterate. Delete.

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Showing Off the Wrist-Rubber

Those rubber wrist bands that people wear really suck. I think giving money to charity is a fine thing. But, if you wear the wrist band just so people think you're a good person, then you are a self-important pudd, and I wish you would go fuck yourself with a rusty spoon. The Lance Armstrong bracelet is annoying. I don't think people would have made such a big deal out of the Lance Armstrong thing if his name didn't sound so powerful. I mean, no one wants to buy a Kyle Johnson bracelet. They want something that's gonna make their arm strong, while at the same time tell people, "Hey, I'm a good person. I wear the bracelet! There's no way I could watch porn, drink my face off, and beat my kids! No way never!" Even a convicted sex offender could be wearing a Lance Armstrong bracelet, and some church-going soccer-mom would be like, "What a nice man! I bet he cleaned up his act. I think I might ask him to babysit my children tonight." Beware of those fuckers with the colored rubber-band around their wrists, especially the fuckers with the pink breast cancer ones. They always seem to be up to something...

Diagrams

I think diagrams should be used more often. They should especially be used in situations where things have to be written in 4 other languages. For example, on the back of a bottle of whiskey, they should have a sketch of a pregnant woman slamming a bottle of hooch with a red line through it. Then, they wouldn't have to write the whole surgeon general warning bullshit in 4 different languages. And I'm sure there are people who can't speak English, French, Spanish, nor Italian. Poor fuckers can't even be warned not to drink when they're bakin' a bastard! I think diagrams should be used all over the place. I think they should put a big cock and balls with a red line through it as a symbol for the women's bathroom, and a big phat pair of sweaty college jugs with a line through it for the men's bathroom. Yeah, that's what they should do. If I controlled this shit-hole, that's what I would do.