New Colors Suck

I remember a day when I could be damn sure that I could buy a red hat, a green shirt, and some blue undies. Now, unfortunately, I have to buy a "starfish"-colored hat, a "teal mist"-colored shirt, and "mocha"-colored undies. Are you fucking serious? Mocha? It's brown, you dumb bastard. Why don't they just come out with "shit"-colored slacks that you can get at Kohls? I think it would be more entertaining. "Hey, Bob. What color are your pants?" "I don't know. Let me check the tag. It's shit color, Steve." "Oh, okay." I even saw some clothing described as Sprout (light green), Lake (blue), Balsam (grey), and Mojito (light green). Actually, Sprout and Mojito are the same fucking color. Gosh, that sure pisses me off. It makes my blood boil and my asshole pucker when I here a guy at JCPenney trying to decide which shirt to get. "Honey, should I get the Laguna or the Lake colored shorts?" "They're both the same! Liver-Dick!" Doesn't make much sense to me. I was actually relieved when I saw a sign that said "White Shirts". Holy shit! They still make white! Kick Ass! Let's party! I thought for sure that white would be called "Cloud" or "Marshmallow" by now. So, next time you head out to buy some clothes, beware that you are about to get an eye-full of shit and it's gonna make you angry, if you're like me. Be sure not to confuse your colors.