Seeing People Outside of Work

Have you ever seen someone outside of work or school? It's weird for sure. It's like, "Why are you here? Are you sure you should be at Walmart? I thought after work, you just disappeared, only to reappear at 7am in the morning. You look like you should be in your little cube, depressed off your ass! And what is that that you are wearing? Is that what you wear on your days off? Holy shit! That's pretty uggo! You look like a dumbass!" I know this is pretty drastic, since you don't think like I do, but since I think the way that I do, just deal with it and put a smile on your face, cuz you're an American and you love this shit! Beeeeotch.

I Really Don't Care

There are plenty of things you can say when you actually mean to say "I will just say something, even though I really don't care", and possibly, "I wasn't even listening dude." Examples of this include the following: "Well, there ya go!", "More power to ya!", or "Tell me somethin' I don't know!". If you hear any of these phrases, be well aware that the listener has no interest in what you have to say, and may despise your very existence. Don't fret, though! This guy may be worth less than a food stamp, and may have sex with animals. Be sure to check if the listener is a respected member of the community. If so, you may want to think twice about speaking in public ever again. I'm sorry, if it's necessary...

Twins With Different Fathers

OK, so, my MSN Messenger news thing popped up, and there was a news story on there with the headline "Mother gives birth to twins with different dads". That means mommy's a hoe fo sho! Apparently she got dirty with two dudes and a swimmer from each dude entered the eggs. Weird. I don't think I'd want that news to be spread all over the internet, but I guess when you're a hoe fo sho, it don't matta, yo. And there is a picture of the "happy" couple on there and they are all full of smiles and shit. I'd be embarrassed! Mommy's a hizzo. Have fun explaining that little story to the kids when they are old enough to understand words. At least they didn't have quintuplets, then mommy would be an Ultra-Super-Mega-Ho-Fo-Sho!

Devices

There are too many devices! I just moved myself from the chair to the couch, and I had to grab all sorts of devices to bring with me. I had the stereo remote, the TV remote, my cell phone, and my camera, in case a sweet looking bird landed outside the window or something. How did we ever survive without cell phones? Seriously. How did we ever meet our friends at the bar? I mean, if you told your friend Jim to meet you at Stinky's Tavern at 8pm and you left, but his plans changed drastically, you're fucked! You'd just have to say to yourself, "Well, I guess I'm not seeing Jim tonight". Nowadays you can be damn sure that even if you don't have a cell phone, there is some stupid prick with one in his pocket within a radius of 20 feet from you. These things we carry around aren't even called cell phones anymore. They're called "Mobile Devices". They are called so because they do fucking everything! They call your neighbor, act as a GPS, act as a flashlight, surf the internet, take pictures, scratch your balls, and now I hear that they will soon shoot a projection onto the wall so you can watch your favorite episode of Mash when you takin' a shit!

The Space Program

It sure pisses me off when our country spends all sorts of money on the Space Program! It is pointless to try to go any farther out into space than we already have gone. There are people in the world whose belly-buttons touch their backbones from being really hungry, and we are just spending billions to send little machines into the sky only to discover that there ain't shit up there but rocks and space dust. Trust me guys, there isn't shit on Mars. I've seen pictures. It's just a bunch of red shit. Who cares about Mars anyway? Did scientists think that our little machines would land on Mars and capture photos of Marvin the Martian's wedding or something? Did they think they were gonna see flowers that shot hot acid at birds, or what?

I guess I will have to admit that I have often wondered if there are places similar to earth far far away, with similar creatures and stuff. I would probably bet that there are other creatures similar to us, except they probably have no assholes and ten penises or eight vaginas or something.